'Friends are like roses. You have to look out for the pricks.'

I think that this summer, I have finally realised who my real friends are.

My real friends aren't people who ignore me, or criticise me, or impose their opinions on me, who go on holiday and brag about all the guys they have slept with, whilst being heavily toxicated on drugs and boooze.

My real friends never forget me. I am always on their mind. They care about me and want to make sure that I am OK. There are people who I met at college and I got on so well with them, I naively assumed that we would be best friends forever. But they ignore my emails, texts, calls.

Call me needy, but I am never very happy in my own company. Sure, I like reading occasionally and watching ugly betty, but I really really need friends.

Friends are those to always stick with you, even when you have a lovely boyfriend who requires A LOT of attention :) Chicks before dicks, eh?

Friends make you feel good about yourself. Compliment y0u. Are interested in what you have been doing.

This summer, there has been a few friends who are always up for a chat. They ring me just to say that they saw me walking down the road, or they saw me in ASDA. Then there has been friends who I have not heard from at all. I feel like some of my college friends were now only friends with me so they had someone to talk to in English. So they didnt look like a loner. I had a lot of that with someone at Thornden, and I had hoped that people would stop doing that to me. I want to hang out with people because I enjoy their company and they are fun to be around, not just to make up numbers and make you seem more popular.

In the last few years I have drifted apart from some people, and grown closer to others. I always want to look back on the good times in my friendships, and cling onto all my friends, even if they do not seem interested in me anymore. People grow up, people change, friendship groups change and develop. But I feel like I have not changed. I wear less make-up, and I sleep a lot more, but apart from that, I feel like I am the same as I was in year 9.

I think this is why I am quite excited about uni. Obviously it will be hard moving away from people that I love, but there are people who I cannot let go of and some that I cannot wait to let go of. So being physically away from them will show me how much I actually need (or do not need them) I need to meet new people, to find people who have things in common with me and make me feel good about myself, rather than degrading my opinions and making me feel crap.

I have had some fun times this summer with my friends now. Not EVERYONE has abandoned me. I have had fun going to Bedford, going to the beach, going to various parties and alcohol-fuelled gatherings. Maybe I am just greedy. Maybe I just hate being ignored. I need to be the centre of attention. Maybe.

I may convert this blog into a uni diary thing, rather than a place where I just RANT :P

Goodbye Matalan.

I have my last shift at Matalan on saturday.

I am pretty excited, because I CANNOT STAND one of the managers... everytime she speaks, i want to kill her.

But I feel quite sad too, because I love everyone that I work with!!

I felt sad last weekend, discovering that I have already been replaced. By someone who is rubbish at doing refunds and tannoy announcements, but is really nice (she offered to stay an extra 30mins after her shift so I could have my lunchbreak covered!!) and really pretty. Dang nabbit.

But hopefully I will be able to work at Matalan again during christmas and holidays :) because although work is BORING, it's money. I love everyone who works there, and working keeps me away from shopping (and spending money I do not have!!)

:) Its lame that all I can think about talking about is WORK. Matalan is my life 8)

Losing my bedford virginty

Had a fab time at Bedford on tues :)

Went with mia, for her 18th :)

4 of us met up at hers, played ring of fire with her brother and 2 of his matesss.

And because I am lightweight, I managed to just buy one drink in town and still feel merry :D

a random black guy bought me a vodka and lime, and my mum later said that it was probably because i was curvy, and he was african. and africans are apparently intimidated by skinny girls?!?!?!

and curviness is a sign of wealth, whereas skinny is a sign of famine.

basically, he bought me a drink because i was FAT. nice.

had fun in 90s, aura and tokyo.

i had a fab time, but in a sad way, the highlight of my night was in nicks car on the way back from town. he complimented me on my singing on 'im yours' by jason mraz.

in year 10 one of my friends criticised my singing and since then i have refused to sing in front of people. so when he said i had a good singing voice (even though i was drunkkkk) it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside :)

Gweenbelt :)

How can I describe four days of fun in one blog? I will just write short phrases (I have just got back from Bedford and have no energy to write detailed diary entry :S OR YOU COULD CHECK OUT MY PICS ON FACEBOOK, they'll be up soon :)

Blue wristband (means I am an adult and can make use of the BEER TENT!!)

First time buying diary and programme, rather than illegally downloading it (which Jesus does not like me doing..)

Puddle in tent

Zic Zazou (awesome percussion group, using scrap like hoses and pipes and pots etc)

Last orders (fell asleep, a certain Katie posts a pic of me on facebook. HAHA.)

7:30am Saturday - I want to wake up and see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs on the big screen.

8:30am - Oh. Its started. I will just blockbuster it.

Lovers Electric

Foy Vance

Momeraths cancel (me no likey)

I want to watch 'UP' AT 19:30. But whats the point of spending all of Greenbelt watching movies?

Beer and hymns! (but no beer. Although I am 18, its EXPENSIVE and I am happy to stick to my pepsi.)

Interesting talk about how we basically love Jade Goody. (?)

Queue for Milton Jones, but do not get in.

Curse the world.

Queue for Mock the Weekend, DO get in, but its a bit rubbish and nothing-y.

Beverley Knight. Establish tinyyyy girl crush :)

Queue for silent disco too long. I have queues.

Sounds of Salvation

Sing-a-long-a-Grease (basically they show us a few dances, then show the film with the song lyrics as subtitles and we lindy hop away!)

Jars of Clay

King Blues <3

Simon from Blue Peter presenting :)

So yeah. Thats Greenbelt for 'ya.

I do not think that the line up was as good as it normally was... but I have discovered some fab bands, realised that I know A LOT of Bev. Knights songs, and fallen in love with Itch from King Blues, because of a nice poem he wrote :)

oooh, and in the crowd of Bev. Knight, a romance blossomed, and it was entertaining to watch. Basically, a boy held up his iPhone to Bev.Knight with an LED message saying I LOVE YOU and someone in the crowd turned round and held up I LOVE YOU TOO and then they exchanged mobile numbers via this LED thing and arranged a date in the underground :) How sweet! I am convinced that he was about 18 and she was about 14 though :/

5 bottles of Shampoo.

Hello bloggers and bloggettes!

I am sorry that I have not blogged for 2.5months. I have no excuse. Sure, I have been working, driving, volunteering at a charity shop, birthday plans, exam results, saving the world. But I have completely neglected my blog.

BUT. Good news. Here is a blog.

I have just returned from Greenbelt (which was amazing, I will blog about it when I have more time) but for now I would like to leave you with a King Blues song/poem thing.

It made me fall in love with Itch. (the lead singer)

It is called Five Bottles of Shampoo :

She pushed in before me, in the supermarket queue
pretended not to see me, in that way women do.
She put on the counter some bread and milk too
and then she pulled out five different bottles of shampoo.
And I thought to myself, 'I will never understand women.'
And I hear some of you saying, 'Yeah but all men are all the same!
They all think they're so cool and are ruled by their dicks.'
That might be true of me, but it ain't true of all of us
so don't point that finger so quick.

I do see some of the blokes though,
In the clubs, pinching girls arses, trying to be intimidating
Making obscene passes. Man, she's a goddess, you can tell by the way she dances.
But you call her a slag when she don't accept your advances.
You just show you got no respect for yourself, show you ain't got the balls
to just talk to a girl.
So when she chats to me, you spit at her and shout 'Whore!'
Well it is written, in the art of war, to fight only the battles you can win.
But I will defend your honour til they kick my face in.
If you have to scrape me broken boned, bruised, bloodied, and battered up off the floor..
Well FUCK IT. Integrity is what black eyes were invented for.

So down with the dick-tatorship, that is so cock-sure,
they use rape as a weapon of war.
FUCK the man who thinks it's ok to give his wife a punch,
FUCK the judge who says it weren't rape cause she was drunk.
And if you're pro-life. I mean if you're PRO .. LIFE,
then become a doctor, or foster a kid.
Make it possible for people who are alive to live.
But don't you dare tell women what they can and can't do,
when it was a woman that gave life to you.

Yes, I'm a man, a fairly stereotypical one,
but I ain't afraid to say I think all women are beautiful and strong.
Too fat, too thin, that's just media spin,
you look best when you're comfortable in your own skin.
So I'm sorry, if we've made you feel undue,
the truth be known...I'm in awe of you.
You're a giver of life and warrior too.
So do you really need FIVE bottles of shampoo?

WOMEN ARE AWESOME :D

Chat Roulette Virginity.

General Studies exam today was POOOR.

Really hated both questions.

Media exam tomorrow which I am freaking out about..

to calm my nerves I thought I would lose my chatroulette virginity.

What an interesting experience.

Lets just say I have seen more penises than I ever want to see in my life, and even a couple having sex on a computer chair.

NICE.

But as long as the conversation kept innocent, it was actually quite fun!

As soon as they asked me what underwear I was wearing, I knew that this was going to be weird.

But I had a nice conversation about blink 182 and linkin park who looked A LOT like christian bale (as in, Batman?) and a little like the drummer from Enter Shikari too... which was weird yet awesomeee!!

We talked about America a little, apparently he was born in Germany but moved to America when he was 16. Interesting guy. Nice interesting non-pervert guy.

Then I pressed refresh instead of enter and after 5mins of flicking through more penises and sex, I couldnt find him.

I could never date someone over the internet. I dont like technology and tech doesnt like me. :D

Good luck with the rest of your exams, guys!

Football.

I am currently hiding in my room.

My dads has some friends round to watch the game. I hope you realise how RARELY my parents socialise, but this is just ANNOYING.

Everyone in Matalan was going football-crazy, and we had a competition to sell as many England sports bottles as possible..

I only sold one.

But I am hearing the national anthem and CANNOT REVISE.

Turn down the TV!

I think that its nice, how the World Cup unites people and makes people bring out cheesy car flags (um... like us!)

OH GOD. DADS PLAYING HIS FOOTBALL SOUNDTRACK.

'Sven, Sven Sven Goran Erikkson.. he's a lovely geezer, but don't forget hes from Sweden'

SHOOT ME NOW.

As I was saying, I like how the football unites people but I think its silly how obessed people get about it..

I am trying to revise Media and uh um.. GENERAL STUDIES.

I need at least a B in General Studies otherwise Sheffield will confine me in a box.

Hahah.

I hope everyone has a fun football-saturated weekenddd :S x x