‘I’m not Michael Jackson. Which is a shame…’

I’ve always known I am a push-over. Pretty much my whole life.
I used to walk my friend to the canteen for no reason other than to stop her from looking like a ‘loner’. I did this until she actually made me walk to the other side of the field with her. That’s when I realised that I was a pansy, and she was insecure.

At the driftwood gig the other day, my friend kept saying stuff about how creepy the singers were/how much LESBIAN-ish they were. Then she was like ‘This music is lame. Let’s go outside. I need signal.’ I was happily enjoying the music and hanging out with some buddies, yet I seemed to drop everything and walk out with her, just so I could prevent her from being RAPED like, 5 secs away from the venue. Which was unlikely. And another thing, she kept asking me to stop taking photos because it was embarrassing. I did.

That’s just a FEW examples. Thinking about it, I think I do a least one push-over thing a day, maybe seventeen.

But yesterday was RIDICULOUS.

I was in town with Lizzie, James C & James F, and this random woman came up to us and asked for 50p.I didn’t think twice and just handed it over, like a complete gullible goon, not realising until she had walked away that she was probably going to buy drugs. It’s like direct-busking, I guess – approaching people and THEN buying drugs. I felt like an Idiot, and James C didn’t help. He instead pointed out that because I was carrying a ‘carphone warehouse’ bag, listening to a zen and carrying my peter Symonds gift bag from the evensong (haha) I was cleary ‘loaded’ and therefore a victim. Apparently my ‘crew clothing’ top and generally baby-like face contributed to the innocent, epitome of idiocy. If that makes sense. I could have used that 50p towards a varley cookie :(

I don’t really know WHY I’m like that. I seem to be unable to stick up for myself, and do what I want to do. Instead, I let people bully me out of revising/going to the gym etc so they can have some company. And NOT BE A LONER.

I need to sort out this issue. A lot of my friends have pointed out how I need to stick up for myself more. If I was a man, I wouldn’t have balls. I would be infertile. No baby-making for me :'(

Note to self: SORT OUT LIFE.