My real friends aren't people who ignore me, or criticise me, or impose their opinions on me, who go on holiday and brag about all the guys they have slept with, whilst being heavily toxicated on drugs and boooze.
My real friends never forget me. I am always on their mind. They care about me and want to make sure that I am OK. There are people who I met at college and I got on so well with them, I naively assumed that we would be best friends forever. But they ignore my emails, texts, calls.
Call me needy, but I am never very happy in my own company. Sure, I like reading occasionally and watching ugly betty, but I really really need friends.
Friends are those to always stick with you, even when you have a lovely boyfriend who requires A LOT of attention :) Chicks before dicks, eh?
Friends make you feel good about yourself. Compliment y0u. Are interested in what you have been doing.
This summer, there has been a few friends who are always up for a chat. They ring me just to say that they saw me walking down the road, or they saw me in ASDA. Then there has been friends who I have not heard from at all. I feel like some of my college friends were now only friends with me so they had someone to talk to in English. So they didnt look like a loner. I had a lot of that with someone at Thornden, and I had hoped that people would stop doing that to me. I want to hang out with people because I enjoy their company and they are fun to be around, not just to make up numbers and make you seem more popular.
In the last few years I have drifted apart from some people, and grown closer to others. I always want to look back on the good times in my friendships, and cling onto all my friends, even if they do not seem interested in me anymore. People grow up, people change, friendship groups change and develop. But I feel like I have not changed. I wear less make-up, and I sleep a lot more, but apart from that, I feel like I am the same as I was in year 9.
I think this is why I am quite excited about uni. Obviously it will be hard moving away from people that I love, but there are people who I cannot let go of and some that I cannot wait to let go of. So being physically away from them will show me how much I actually need (or do not need them) I need to meet new people, to find people who have things in common with me and make me feel good about myself, rather than degrading my opinions and making me feel crap.
I have had some fun times this summer with my friends now. Not EVERYONE has abandoned me. I have had fun going to Bedford, going to the beach, going to various parties and alcohol-fuelled gatherings. Maybe I am just greedy. Maybe I just hate being ignored. I need to be the centre of attention. Maybe.
I may convert this blog into a uni diary thing, rather than a place where I just RANT :P