5 bottles of Shampoo.

Hello bloggers and bloggettes!

I am sorry that I have not blogged for 2.5months. I have no excuse. Sure, I have been working, driving, volunteering at a charity shop, birthday plans, exam results, saving the world. But I have completely neglected my blog.

BUT. Good news. Here is a blog.

I have just returned from Greenbelt (which was amazing, I will blog about it when I have more time) but for now I would like to leave you with a King Blues song/poem thing.

It made me fall in love with Itch. (the lead singer)

It is called Five Bottles of Shampoo :

She pushed in before me, in the supermarket queue
pretended not to see me, in that way women do.
She put on the counter some bread and milk too
and then she pulled out five different bottles of shampoo.
And I thought to myself, 'I will never understand women.'
And I hear some of you saying, 'Yeah but all men are all the same!
They all think they're so cool and are ruled by their dicks.'
That might be true of me, but it ain't true of all of us
so don't point that finger so quick.

I do see some of the blokes though,
In the clubs, pinching girls arses, trying to be intimidating
Making obscene passes. Man, she's a goddess, you can tell by the way she dances.
But you call her a slag when she don't accept your advances.
You just show you got no respect for yourself, show you ain't got the balls
to just talk to a girl.
So when she chats to me, you spit at her and shout 'Whore!'
Well it is written, in the art of war, to fight only the battles you can win.
But I will defend your honour til they kick my face in.
If you have to scrape me broken boned, bruised, bloodied, and battered up off the floor..
Well FUCK IT. Integrity is what black eyes were invented for.

So down with the dick-tatorship, that is so cock-sure,
they use rape as a weapon of war.
FUCK the man who thinks it's ok to give his wife a punch,
FUCK the judge who says it weren't rape cause she was drunk.
And if you're pro-life. I mean if you're PRO .. LIFE,
then become a doctor, or foster a kid.
Make it possible for people who are alive to live.
But don't you dare tell women what they can and can't do,
when it was a woman that gave life to you.

Yes, I'm a man, a fairly stereotypical one,
but I ain't afraid to say I think all women are beautiful and strong.
Too fat, too thin, that's just media spin,
you look best when you're comfortable in your own skin.
So I'm sorry, if we've made you feel undue,
the truth be known...I'm in awe of you.
You're a giver of life and warrior too.
So do you really need FIVE bottles of shampoo?

WOMEN ARE AWESOME :D

Chat Roulette Virginity.

General Studies exam today was POOOR.

Really hated both questions.

Media exam tomorrow which I am freaking out about..

to calm my nerves I thought I would lose my chatroulette virginity.

What an interesting experience.

Lets just say I have seen more penises than I ever want to see in my life, and even a couple having sex on a computer chair.

NICE.

But as long as the conversation kept innocent, it was actually quite fun!

As soon as they asked me what underwear I was wearing, I knew that this was going to be weird.

But I had a nice conversation about blink 182 and linkin park who looked A LOT like christian bale (as in, Batman?) and a little like the drummer from Enter Shikari too... which was weird yet awesomeee!!

We talked about America a little, apparently he was born in Germany but moved to America when he was 16. Interesting guy. Nice interesting non-pervert guy.

Then I pressed refresh instead of enter and after 5mins of flicking through more penises and sex, I couldnt find him.

I could never date someone over the internet. I dont like technology and tech doesnt like me. :D

Good luck with the rest of your exams, guys!

Football.

I am currently hiding in my room.

My dads has some friends round to watch the game. I hope you realise how RARELY my parents socialise, but this is just ANNOYING.

Everyone in Matalan was going football-crazy, and we had a competition to sell as many England sports bottles as possible..

I only sold one.

But I am hearing the national anthem and CANNOT REVISE.

Turn down the TV!

I think that its nice, how the World Cup unites people and makes people bring out cheesy car flags (um... like us!)

OH GOD. DADS PLAYING HIS FOOTBALL SOUNDTRACK.

'Sven, Sven Sven Goran Erikkson.. he's a lovely geezer, but don't forget hes from Sweden'

SHOOT ME NOW.

As I was saying, I like how the football unites people but I think its silly how obessed people get about it..

I am trying to revise Media and uh um.. GENERAL STUDIES.

I need at least a B in General Studies otherwise Sheffield will confine me in a box.

Hahah.

I hope everyone has a fun football-saturated weekenddd :S x x

The excellent adventures of a #1 Bluestar explorer.

I HAVE LOTS OF ADVENTURES ON MY LOVELY BUS TO COLLEGE.

Getting the bus to college has always been a bit boring, because most of my friends DRIVE/ cycle/ flyyy to college now and now Bluestar has been invaded by Lower Sixths. YAY.

A lot of my buddies get the Stagecoach bus and I just imagine them spending their daily journeys having discos and doing karaoke and eating candy floss and doing the Macarena while I am sat grumpy and tired while Lower Sixths scream and giggle about who they had sex in an alleyway with. YAY.

Luckily I won't have to worry about it TOOO much, now we are on study leave :) and hopefully if I get 3BBBs Il be off to Sheffield to take the TRAM to uni!

TRAM!

I think thats the sole reason why I picked sheffield. My mum keeps saying that its just a bus on a wire, which basically kills my excitement :/

Anyways, yesterday on my way to Ashurst for some revision-related larks, I had several bus-related adventures.

First up, I got chatting to this old woman at Somerfield while we were waiting for the bus, and I got confused because she kept calling me 'Sophie' so I think she may have thought I was someone that I wasn't... or she had escaped from Challoner House and was just CRAZY.

But she was so sweet and asking me about college and uni and my dog (I do not have a dog but I just went along with it and said that it died.) and I was tempted to propose to her. She was like 'See you on Boxing Day!' WTF!! Bless her :)

Then it turns out that the bus driver is the love child of Pocahontas and John Smith. Its so hard to describe him! He had long hair and dark eyes and I think he was mixed race and it was SO funny because some people who came on the bus he'd do a really posh accent and others he'd do like a weird South American accent. I cannot describe it but it made me laugh so much! It was exciting for me because I get the bus to college/town/work (when I worked in Winch) so much that I was almost on first-name terms with the bus driver so I always find it exciting discovering a new bus driver. HOW EXCITING IS MY LIFE!:O

On the bus home I also saw someone on the bus who looked SO much like David Cameron, but he was chubbier and was eating a happy meal :P Perhaps it wasn't him...

Also, I almost had a nervous breakdown because I tried ringing up my O2 top up to see how many free texts I had and it was like 'You have nine, THREE texts to use up by 11:59 tonight.'

Why would they get the number 9 and the number 3 confused? Can you not do maths? Do you have number-Tourettes when you just shout out random numbers? Jeez! SPEAK CLEARER, FOOOL!

It wasn't until I rang them about 12 times that I realised that they were actually saying 'You have nine FREE texts.' FML

Ooohh, the dress I ordered for the summer ball has arrived ^__^ I really like it and am excited about the ball.. now I only need to sort out my hair/make-up/shows/jewellery/bag. Haha.

I don't think I make as much effort with how I look as I used to, which is good in some ways (stops me from missing the bus, less make-up is better for the skin, I can shock everyone at parties with how fashionable and un-hoody-ish I am, ha. ha.) but bad in some ways (i have bad face days, sometimes feel really naked when up against make-up-caked preppies!)

so its nice to go crazy and DRESS UP. YAAAYY!! :D

Moscow State Circus

So.

College is over. The end of an era.

Ate too much choc and cake on thursday, went to the most POINTLESS sociology lesson ever, and witnessed two guys lying on top of a car outside the Jolly Farmer and getting squished. Well, not quite.

I hope they are not dead though.

Went to Moscow State Circus in Southsea last night (NOT in Swansea.. which is where I told Adam it was!!)

I wasn't really sure what to expect. My only memories of circuses is one we went to in France yonks ago (and the only thing I remember about it is that I lost one of my beanie babies!!) and the film 'Dumbo.'

I was secretly hoping for some big-eared elephants but I don't think RSPCA would allow that. Animal abuse and all tha'.

But it was actually really good! My dad got free tickets from work, enough so that I could go with both parents and bring Adam and my brother could bring a friend too (I KICKED HIS ASS AT ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS!! YAYY!) and so even if the show was rubbish, we wouldn't have lost much. Apart from petrol costs. :)

BUT THE SHOW WAS AWESOME.

I don't know any technical circus names, but there was a lot of scary spin-y, high-up, jump-y, dangerous-looking, juggling, knife-throwing, people - catching stuff which is hard to explain if you were not there.

There was one point where this guy was running on this wheel thing which was up VERY high and he kept looking like he was going to fall off. then he started SKIPPING whilst running on this thing. I CANNOT EXPLAIN IT. BUT IT WAS AWESOME.

There was a clown-y person who had a little weird chum and they would fill in with some random stuff (like tight-rope walkinggg, eek!) whilst all the scary technical stuff was set up. I think I have developed a crush on him, in a kind of Adrien-Brody way. nom.

Also, throughout the whole show there was this weird Rasputin narrative which would go ON and ON. Deep, booming, Russian voice rambling about Rasputin when I WANTED PEOPLE TO HURRY UP AND NEARLY-DIE.

So yeah, although I missed out on a Woods rave at Chez Overstall, the circus more than made up for it :) I didn't really think that it would be my sort of thing, but it was really good.

Shame about the annoying people shaking their charity buckets about. And the annoying lighting-up things that every child seemed to have in the audience. haha.

Oooh. I have decided that I want to be a man.

Haha.

The end.

Goodbye.

I won't explain.

I will leave you wondering: 'Why does Jennie want to be a man? I am intrigued. I will ask her next time I see her. For her birthday I will buy her a penis.'

OK.

I will explain.

MEN NEVER HAVE TO EFFING QUEUE TO GO TO THE TOILET.

WHY DO ALL WOMEN SEEM TO NEED THE TOILET AT THE SAME TIME?

WHY CAN MEN POOTLE IN, HAVE A WHIZZ AND THEN STRIDE OUT, WHEREAS WOMEN HAVE TO STAND IN THEIR LINE, WRIGGLING ABOUT, CLENCHING THEIR BUTT MUSCLES.

I am sorry for the crude-ness. But it gets on my nerves. Women are silly.

Why can't women have more toilets provided for them? Men can subtlely wee in a bush, whilst pretending they are enjoying the view!

Anyways. Rant over. LOL.

Good day. Hope everyone has a fun half term :)

I LOVE MY JOB

Haha,

just got back from an awesome shift at work.

everyone was happy and i was on TILLS which is awesome.

and the shop wasn't too busy so we could mess about lots :)

and we had the nice manager.

but the funn-est thing was hanging around tills (but with no customers)

Me, chris and sam had fun playing with castanets and clip-on hair extensions.

Then we had a funny convo about pouffes (you know, those foot stool things... kinda bean-baggy?)

Chris : I want to buy a pouffe, they are half price.

Jen: IT LOOKS SO COMFY.

Chris: 'Tis! I like it when you sit on them and they are not too sink-y

Sam: But that pouffe looks really HARD.

Chris: I like it HARD.

Jen: ....

Sam: HAHAHAHAHHAHA

Jen: .......... ohhhh.

Chris: There's no point having a squishy one, they are no good.

Then they started making fun of me for being young.

Basically, Matalan can be boring at times but I work with a fabbb bunch of people.

I miss my superdruggies though (except maybe Podge, haha!) :P

but yeah. Wouldnt want to work at Nalatam full-time tbh.

Just finished watching Junior apprentice, glad that Jordan douche has gone.

I gave Nick permission to use the word DOUCHE when referring to Jordan.

I do not normally like that word. But it seemed appropriate.

Life is nice.

Exams are not.

Funny Joke.

I found this joke in a magazine and it made me laugh :)

Its a little rude though, so watch out!!

A convict breaks into a house to look for money, and inside finds a couple in bed.

He orders the guy out and ties him to a chair.

While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, and then gets up to go to the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:

'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a long time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don' complain... do whatever he tells you. This guy is obviously very dangerous If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong honey, I love you.'

His wife responds:

'He wasn't kissing my neck, he was whispering in my ear. He told me he's gay, thinks your cute and asked if we had some Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you too.'

If any of you do not understand that joke (I admit, it took me a few mins to get it!!) then you are very innocent-minded :)

In other news, people are voting today. Not me, I want it to be over. My sociology teacher wants us to stay up for the results. He THEN decided to tell us that the counting may not be finished until 4am. NO THANKS, guv'na!